What goes THUMP in the Night
by Ivory-chan
Summary: My first humor one-shot!! What's going on in the bedroom of Usagi? What do the senshi and gundam group have to say? What's Hiiro wearing?


* Looks around nervously* Ano..my first full comedy one- shot. And yes, this has Hiiro/Usa pairing. Actually it's based around that pairing. Expect alot of OOCness..galore.  
Dedicated to my Oneesan ( Chibi Tenshi ) which by the way..don't kill me..you'll find what I mean..psst..enjoy the hentaish implications ^ ^P, Usa-imouto , Himi-chan..ano..Kat-chan..Allure-chan..and every Hiiro/Usa fan out there!!  
  
  
  
  
"Usagi, keep your head still or I can't push it in."  
  
"Hiiro, demo it hurts though. Can't you please be a little gentle when handling it?"  
  
"Hn...."  
  
"Ow! That hurt, you're being too rough with me!"  
  
"Omae O korosu! Be quiet, I don't want to wake up the others and have them see us in this position."  
  
"OOO, is the "Perfect Soldier" actually scared of being caught? Come on, if they find out about this, we'll just say you were helping me out."  
  
"Hn...."  
  
Usagi looked at Hiiro with a twinkle in her eyes as she teased him. "Or are you afraid that their going to find out what we do together every night? That you mph mph mphh!?"  
  
Hiiro hand promptly went over Usagi's mouth as footsteps were heard outside of the room. Hiiro nodded his head to the door, signaling to Usagi why he clamped her mouth shut. Her bright sapphire eyes silently understood as Hiiro took his hand off.  
  
The footsteps passed by her room as they watched the shadows cast by the hall's light from underneath the door. Usagi whirled her head around to face Hiiro who was getting ready to jump out of the window.  
  
"Ano... Hiiro...??"  
  
Hiiro turned around to face Usagi. "Hn."  
  
Usagi took his replied as a yes. " Uh, my room is connected to your room... so why not use the door?"   
  
Hiiro wanted to smack himself, but he didn't since if he did it would make him look like a total idiot. Instead, he stepped down from the windowsill and walked over to the door that was connected to his room. He twisted the doorknob, expecting it to open but it wouldn't budge. He shook the door several times and even rammed his body against the door. Still that door refused to move.  
  
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"What's all the noise in Usagi's room?" Rei asked as the other senshi and pilots gathered outside of her room.  
  
"Who would've known that the 'Perfect Soldier' had it in him?" Duo grinned widely as he leaned in against the door.  
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"It's stuck!"  
  
"Hiiro, stop forcing it to open... the harder you push it, the tighter it'll get."  
  
  
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Duo eyes widened instantly. "Shinigami! I was not excepting that."   
  
"Duo-kun, what's going on there?" Minako asked. Duo signaled her to come to the door and listen in. Minako giggled when she heard the conversation inside.  
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"Maybe you should use some lubricant on it."  
  
Hiiro grunted. "Usa-chan, it's hard. Maybe you can help."   
  
Usagi walked over and grabbed the doorknob and twisted it demo that darn door would not open. "Hii-chan, you're right. It's hard." She pouted and smirked. Looking at Hiiro, Usagi bit her bottom lip, suppressing the urge from giggling when she realized what would happen if Hiiro couldn't open the door.   
  
Hiiro stared at Usagi. "Nani?"  
  
She inched closer to him. "Hii-chan, if you can't get out of this room... ano... this would mean... that... we would have to sleep together."  
  
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From outside of the room Duo and Minako gasped and looked at each other, in unison. "SLEEP TOGETHER!!??"  
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Hiiro's eyes widened slightly. Well okay, not really. Demo, it looked like they did from what Usagi could see. He backed up against the door, reaching behind his spandex short to grab his gun. Usagi was puzzled. She thought spandex didn't have pockets. So, where was Hiiro stashing away his gun? She would be more than happy to find out the answer to that question. That would give her the proper excuse to well... check out what size... his spandex shorts are... so she could... ano... buy him some more... yeah, that was it.   
  
"Hii-chan, it'll be so much fun! We could talk..." Usagi eyed him and shook her head. "Nevermind. I would talk...we could... " Usagi trailed off as a sudden gleam entered her eyes which our brave little soldier took notice of and did not like.   
  
"We could... dress you up in this new outfit...I bought you."   
  
Hiiro opened his mouth to let out--  
  
  
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"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...Iie!!!!"  
  
"Shut up Duo! I can't hear what Hiiro is saying," Makoto scolded him as she tugged hard on his braid. Who really knew how Makoto got a hold of Duo's precious baby... ahem... braids. She must have been unconsciously playing with it since it was within reach. And wrapped it around her hands, causing it to twist and tighten, straining his hair focile and then causing him to shriek like... what was the word Wufei used often to describe Duo? Ah, hai... to shriek like a weak onna... that he was.   
  
Then Wufei would have been beaten by any onna within the five-mile radius who had heard his comment. He should have learned by the 50th beating or so... he should stop saying that women were weak demo... he's a guy. We should expect flaws from them.  
  
Quatre, of course, was turning beet red from the embarrassment of standing in the hall way listening against the door of one of his friends room demo... he was as curious as everyone else to say the least. He wasn't much of a gossipy person demo... it was happening under his roof... and as the owner of the property, he had a right to know, didn't he? Of course he did. He had to ensure the safety of all his guests.  
  
Trowa, who was leaning against the wall across from Usagi's room with his arms crossed, fell over on his side from Duo's and Minako's outburst. What was remarkable was that poor Tro-chan still had his arm crossed when he landed. He grimaced as one of his elbows ( the one that has his funny bone ) plowed into the floor. That instantly jostled him up... he shook his outstretched arm wildly and blew on his elbow to ease the sensation away. After his out of character feat, he looked up only to see Ami was staring at him strangely while the others were busy eavesdropping.  
  
Tro-chan shrugged and pointed to his elbow. "Funny bone." In which Ami just smiled and nodded. Trowa winked demo... nobody could see it though because it was the eye that was covered by his bangs. He leaned back on the wall and assumed his position. Arms crossed... closed eyes... demo... this time with a little smile plastered on his face.  
  
Wufei was mentally counting how long it would take before he exploded from Rei poking and prodding him with her index finger. She was continuously jabbing him on the side whenever he mumbled or murmured or muttered or snorted... weak onna. He wondered why onnas could be soo easily offended when he said that they were weak. Didn't they want an honest man? Kuso, he was an honest man.   
  
He wondered why he was standing out here in his silk jammies that had chibi dragons designed all over it. He should be getting his rest... or better yet training. But noooo... he was pulled by Rei to see what was the commotion about. He had shocked himself silly when he had actually let Rei pull him without even uttering a word of complaint or his catch phrase 'weak onna'. Kuso... he should get a cookie for that. Wufei scowled. If he did get the cookie, where would he hide it? Surely Duo or Usagi would catch the scent of it and start looking for it. He shook his head. No cookie for Wufei.   
  
Duo was in heaven. Well, he was in it for a while but then Makoto just had to pull on his braid. Just think about it. He had Minako on one side then Makoto on the other. He rubbed his hands in merriment. All he needed now was a pool filled with whip cream, the girls in bikinis and... drool. He shook his head to clear away the thoughts. Okay, for the matter at hand. There was so much evidence he could use to blackmail Hiiro. He grinned. He couldn't wait to tease Hiiro about this.   
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"Come, o-negai... o-negai... Hii-chan," Usagi pleaded.   
  
Hiiro grunted... he had to comply. His eyes softend around the edges of his pupils. Besides, he did need a little change in his wardrobe... and it wasn't because he was becoming a softie or the fact that the girl he loved was asking him too. His wardrobe just needed to be changed and he was sticking to that story.  
  
'Omae O Korosu.' That was the phrase going through his mind as he stood on a stand looking at himself through a three-way mirror which just happened to be in Usagi's room.  
  
It wasn't his fault he was in this particular situation. He blamed it on his exuberant girlfriend. Of course, she wasn't going to hear that from his mouth. Besides, he had agreed to do this. His lips curled into a semi-smile that almost hurt. He lifted his index finger and grazed it on his lips feeling the rough edges.   
  
'Note to self buy more lipbalm '  
  
His prussian blue orbs then trained themselves on his reflection. It felt unfamiliar to him. He would have never even thought to consider wearing something like this. He looked at Usagi through the mirror, seeing her eyes shine with pleasure and enjoyment as she sat on the bed.  
  
Demo... he would do anything for Usagi... and if it meant losing her to another man... he would do that... just to make her happy. It was hard to admit and to him, it sounded cliche but she had changed him. Granted it wasn't the most subtle of changes. He had stopped threatening Duo from ten times... and now it was just a mere nine times. To Hiiro, that was a big improvement.  
  
What was really noticeable was his eyes. They had once held such coldness, rigid Prussian blues that held no depth but sheer unemotional rawness. Through those eyes alone, they were barren, containing nothing but the sense of duty to a mission.  
  
He had wondered several times why Usagi loved him. They were so different. Incompatible to say the least. The more he tried to resist her the greater the pull of attraction, love, lust, burning desire seemed to pull them together. His stony, untrusting personality gravitated Usagi towards him. He had no love demo... Usagi was willing to share hers with him. She gave her heart so willingly and freely to him... that scared him. Usagi was spring... everything she touched blossomed out of love, warmth and happiness... to his winter... whatever he placed his hands on, the only outcome was death and the utter feeling of loneliness.  
  
'Kuso, when did I get so philosophical?'  
  
He watched as Usagi jumped off the bed, clapping her hands together with pure bliss like a two-year old. That expression made his heart pound. He placed one of his hand over his heart to emotionally steady himself. 'Kawaii,' he thought.  
  
"Hii-chan, twirl for me." Her eyes shined with mirth.  
  
"Yui Hiiro does not twirl," He stated.  
  
"O-negai... O-negai!"   
  
He would rather let Duo annoy him to death then twirl around in this... outfit.  
  
"Iie, it's bad enough that I'm wearing this demo... to twirl around would actually mean that I enjoy it and I don't.  
  
"O-negai! Just once...just one little, itsy, bitsy twirl?" Usagi asked, twirling her index finger in emphasis.  
  
  
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Minako, Makoto and Duo meanwhile were busy enjoying the eavesdropping business.   
  
"What did she mean by letting him twirl for her?" Minako whispered to Makoto.   
  
Makoto shrugged, "Probably something to do with the tongue."   
  
Minako giggled. "Ooo... someone is getting some loving tonight."  
  
Duo laughed. "To think... I thought I would be the first." He looked at Minako and Makoto. "Demo... may I suggest something to you ladies? How does a pool of whip cream... you two in bikinis... and me in the middle... sound to you?"  
  
"How does a fist in your face and a kick to the groin sound to you?" Makoto asked him with her most sugary voice that would've made Usagi proud.  
  
Duo winced. "That sounds like it would hurt... all you had to say was no..."  
  
Ami was standing back, wondering why in world were they standing around in the hall in the first place? They could have knocked and found out what was going on instead of guessing what Hiiro and Usagi were doing. Not to mention the fact... why was Hiiro in Usagi's room anyway? Was it a social call or something much deeper? Ha... deeper... as in penetration... OOOH... Ami, you're so bad. Ami blinked. 'Where had that come from?' Ami shook her head slightly. 'I must be spending way too much time with Minako.'  
  
Besides, Trowa was sorta of freaking her out when he shook his arm around. Demo... he did look quite cute like that though.   
  
Rei was getting very impatient with waiting around. Besides she was getting tired of poking Wufei. A girl could have only so much fun. Rei walked up to the door, squeezing by Minako, Makoto and Duo. She placed her left foot on the door, ready to kick it open.  
  
"Iie!! O-negai! Rei-chan, don't kick it open!" Minako pleaded.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Ano..." Minako latched onto Rei foot, pulling it away from the door.  
  
"That's no reason! I'm gonna kick it open and find out what their doing in there. Minako, get off my foot!" Rei exclaimed as she tried to shake Minako off her leg. This caused Rei's foot to accidentally pound on the door.   
  
Everyone grew silent. More than usual.   
  
They all looked wide-eyed at each other.  
  
"Ano, maybe they didn't hear that," Duo quipped.  
  
Snort... which came from Wufei.  
  
" Che... and maybe Chibi Tenshi isn't downright possessive about Aya." ( ^ ^P ) (Editor Tenshi: I'm not possessive! I just don't share very well! ^-^)  
  
Everyone looked at Wufei.   
  
"Who's this Chibi Tenshi you speak of?" Duo asked.  
  
And for once... Wufei couldn't reply.  
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Hiiro blinked and froze in mid-twirl. He shook his head in shame. Hai, he admitted it. He was whipped. Weird. He thought he had heard the sound of whips echoing in the background. But then came that unbelievably, noticeable (AKA Rei's foot) thump on the door.   
  
He glanced at Usagi, whose cheerful disposition was now faltering as she looked back at him worriedly.   
  
"Hii-chan, what now?"  
  
"Easy." He took out his gun and loaded it with a click.  
  
Usagi bit her lower lip and tilted her head to the side. 'Now where had that gun suddenly appeared from?'  
  
"Target practice."  
  
"Are you crazy!? You can't go shooting people in the middle of the night. Yeah, that'll wake them up for sure." Usagi sarcastically worded out.  
  
"Hn... They're already awake."  
  
"Put the gun down Hii-chan, or I'll just have to tell Duo-kun what we do every night."  
  
Hiiro glared at Usagi as she looked at her fingernails, blowing on them for no apparent reason.  
  
"You wouldn't."  
  
"Oh, I will and you know I would too Hii-chan." She poked him in the chest.  
  
He looked at her, seeing that she was indeed serious. Sighing he lower his gun down. "What do you suggest I do then?" See, what did I tell you? Whipped.  
  
  
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"I think I heard my name. See, everybody just can't get enough of the Shinigami," Duo boasted.  
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Usagi thought for a moment. You could actually picture the wheels turning. "Ano... well how about hiding under the bed?"  
  
Hiiro cast her a look that translated to 'Are you crazy?'  
  
He, on the other hand, had his own idea. "How about I knock them down rendering them unconscious when they open the door and bolt out of this room?"  
  
"How are you going to knock them all down? You are only one man, my dear Hii-chan. It just wouldn't be your style."  
  
"How would hiding under a bed be my style then?"  
  
Usagi smirked. " Because Hii-CHAN, it's my idea."  
  
"Usa-chan, let's just get this over with." He grabbed her hand and led her to the door.   
  
"Are you sure about this?" she whispered to him.  
  
He answered with a "Hn." (flips through the dictionary of The Many Hn's of Hiiro... scrolls downs... points... see that "Hn" translated to a yes.)  
  
He opened the door, startling everyone, and glared at the first person he saw... *sigh* which was Duo. He aimed his gun at him (he held the gun with his other hand) and pulled the trigger.  
  
Duo's eyes rolled to the back of his head and fell.  
  
Minako and Makoto gasped and in unision. "Oh my god! You shot Duo! You trigger happy bastard!"   
  
Ami crouched down next to the fallen Duo. " Ano... where's the blood then?"  
  
"And how could he kill Duo if there's no bullet in the gun? I took them out," Usagi added.  
  
"Then why would the weak onna (jab from Rei and glares from the other girls) collapse then?" Wufei pointed out.  
  
Duo then decided to stir. " Hiiro... ( points at him ) no spandex shorts ( chuckles) see him in baggy pants ( laughs ) shocked the Shinamgi."  
  
And indeed the trigger-happy-spandex-wearing-Hn-saying-bishie was in a pair of comfortable baggy pants provided by Usagi. ( Are you happy now Himi-chan!? I didn't put him in a hula skirt or tutu or kilt... much to my dismay ^ ^P.) (Editor Tenshi: And your editor's too. *pouts*)   
  
Hiiro looked bewildered as everyone besides Usagi stared at him. "What!? Do I look fat in them?"  
  
Silence.   
  
( You could hear a pin drop. )  
  
The hallway exploded into laughter as Wufei mocked Hiiro "Does ( snorts ) he ( gasp ) look ( laughs ) fat ( chuckles) in ( squeals) them?"  
  
"OMAE O KOROSU!!!" Hiiro yelled out, waving his unloaded gun around.  
  
A few minutes later, everyone calmed down, wiping tears of laughter from their eyes.  
  
Minako was the first one to pop the question that everyone else was dying to know. "Ano, Usagi-chan and Hiiro-kun, what were you two doing in the room?"  
  
Hiiro glared at her. "None of your business."   
  
Collective groans were heard.  
  
"Ah, let's get to bed then... there's no use trying to get the information out of Hiiro," Quatre stated.  
  
"What about Usagi-chan then?" Makoto suggested.  
  
Pleading eyes were cast at Usagi who shook her head firmly.  
  
"Ah damn!" Ami snapped her fingers in disappointment.  
  
All eyes were on her.  
  
Ami shrugged. " I also wanted to know."  
  
Rei yawned. "Come on, let's go back to bed and get some rest." She ushered group back down the hall leaving Hiiro and Usagi alone.  
  
Not without them hearing.  
  
"So what are we going to do tomorrow night?" ( Minako )  
  
"The same thing we always do every night." ( Duo )  
  
"Try to find out what those two are doing." ( Makoto )  
  
The group grumbled.  
  
The two just stood there staring at each other.   
  
"So, Hii-chan, the same thing tomorrow night?"  
  
"Hai, Usa-chan."  
  
She giggled. "I'll have the brush ready for you to brush it and put it up in Odangoes for me then. And this time not so rough."  
  
He nodded, smiling. "Ai shiteru, Usa-chan."  
  
He then gave her one of those mind-shattering goodnight kisses that make you have incredible dreams.  
  
" Ai shiteru, Hii-chan." And she returned the favor.  
  
Before she closed the door to her room, "Oh and Hii-chan?" He looked at her expectantly. "The next time you want to get your gun out from your spandex shorts... can I do that for you?" Giggling, she shut the door at the blushing Hiiro. 


End file.
